Hubby has gone to day program 4 times now over 3 weeks. First time understandingly not smooth. 2 and 3 times ok, last time a few days ago not so good. Once we pulled in and he realized where we were he said “oh lord”. I said “don’t you want to go help the ladies out again today?"
He said I guess I can. Once inside it was very difficult for me to leave. He knows I’m going to how to buy buy a hospital leave him there and said “I’m not staying today”.
It took 15 minutes or more but help was able to distract him so I could leave. Besides having a melt down in car at the thought of leaving him upset, not sure how to handle going back.
It took an hour but he settled down and was ok when I picked him up 3 hours later (thought he would be so mad at me).
Any suggestions on how to make this smoother going forward? The advice I have been given is to not tell him in advance that we are going or certainly don’t ask him if he wants to go. But he is aware of that I “spring” this on him every time and never ask him.
It's a little like caring for my children when they were toddlers. I would tell them that I had to work and they were going to ________ until I was done. Yes, there were some tantrums, but eventually it became the norm. I remember wise moms telling me not to ask yes/no questions but to ask questions with multiple choices that I was OK with. Example: "do you want orange juice or apple juice or water with your breakfast?" No to ask "do you want to eat _____ or have breakfast?" – especially when I knew they were hungry and needed to eat at that time. Treat this adult day program as what it is – a needed resource to help both of you with his needs.
In my opinion 4x in 3 weeks is not enough. That averages 1x a week. Not enough time to get him used to the routine. I sent Mom 3x a week. Monday, Wed and Friday. Except for the first time she was bussed by the Daycare to and from. Yes, cost was $85 a day. I did with my Mom what I did with my kids. I walked Mom in and allowed the aide to take over. Then I walked out. My DH was the problem. He had to stand and watch to make sure she was OK. He did this with our kids too.